Youthful Tendency Disorder

Ah, thank goodness for The Onion, that online bastion of satire without whom we would never find out about a new, horrible disease striking kids all across the US: YTD or Youthful Tendency Disorder.

The article describes YTD as:

Youthful Tendency Disorder (YTD), a poorly understood neurological condition that afflicts an estimated 20 million U.S. children, is characterized by a variety of senseless, unproductive physical and mental exercises, often lasting hours at a time. In the thrall of YTD, sufferers run, jump, climb, twirl, shout, dance, do cartwheels, and enter unreal, unexplainable states of “make-believe.”

The article identifies 6 signs of YTD parents should be on the watch for:

  1. Near constant running, jumping and skipping
  2. Sudden episodes of shouting and singing
  3. Preferring playtime to schoolwork
  4. Confusing self with animals and objects including dinosaurs, tigers and airplanes
  5. Conversations with “imaginary friends”
  6. Poor impulse control with regard to sugared snacks

Fortunately, there seems to be a cure, a miracle drug on the horizon to counteract YTD.

Help for families struggling with YTD may soon be on the way. At last month’s annual AMA Convention, Smithkline-Beecham unveiled Juvenol, a promising YTD drug which, pending FDA approval, could reach the U.S. market as early as next spring. Already available in France and Sweden, Juvenol, the Swedish newspaper Aftonbladet reported, resulted in a 60 percent decrease in running and jumping among users.

But until such help arrives, the parents of YTD sufferers can do little more than try to get through each day.

“I love my child with all my heart,” said Alexandra Torres, Jesse’s mother. “But when he’s in the throes of one of his skipping fits, it’s hard not to feel a little envious of parents with normal, healthy children.”

Here’s hoping an outbreak of YTD hits your house this season!

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