The post I vowed I would never write

When I first started blogging I always vowed I would never write a “sorry for the lack of recent activity” post, but here it is.

For those of you who have followed me for a long time (the blog has been going for close to 5 years), you’ll know that the activity has been way down. And the posts that do make it are often not the best quality. They tend to be lazy posts, with content created by others carrying them.

It’s not that I haven’t had a lot to blog about. I have started a half dozen or so topics, but never finished or published them. Truth be known, for the past 6 months or so, I haven’t felt like a very capable Dad. Most of the posts I write end up up coming out like a verbal spew about how much I am really not enjoying the ride right now, that having 2 kids is hard, money is tight, tension is high, my wife and I never have time together, blah blah blah whine whine whine. And in the back of my mind I practice self censorship thinking who wants to read the self indulgent “oh, woe is me” crap that is the hallmark of some 13 year old teenager’s angst ridden diary?

I’ve been hoping that the shine of summer may have faded my pissy attitude, but so far it hasn’t. We’re coming off a couple weeks of holidays and I am still tense, on edge and really not in a good headspace.

Don’t get me wrong – I love my kids and my wife. We have a good life, which I need to keep reminding myself of. But I can’t help but feel that I am struggling.

Perhaps it’s a matter of trying to hang on to my own personal identity beyond being a Dad. These days that seems to be my all encompassing identity. And the dangerous part is that I am beginning to resent it. Hence the feeling that I am not such a good Dad.

So, I am taking a self imposed hiatus from blog posts until I can regain my happy place.

My kids deserve better. My wife deserves better, and I deserve better. So, until I can regain my balance, I’ll be continuing this bit of Dad blog exile. But when I come back, I am hoping it will be as a happier, more balanced person. And a better Dad.

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