Category Archives: Dad to Dad

10 Ways Dads Can Encourage Daughters to Participate in Sports

Posted on September 27, 2006 by Clint| Comments Off

The excellent Dads and Daughters newsletter this week came with a great top 10 list on how to encourage girls to participate in sports. Studies have shown that not only are sports great for your body and mind, but girls who participate in sports are more likely to abstain from alcohol and drugs and defer sexual activity until a later age.

1. Make sports fun from an early age. Keep a relaxed approach when she’s young. For example, have athletic-theme parties, like kickball and pizza.

2. Demonstrate interest in her athletic programs and activities. Attend her games and other extracurricular activities. If you live away from your daughter, be sure to talk or email with her after every game to hear how it went.

3. Go to the games to cheer. You can cheer hard for your girl, and then cheer for everyone who is playing. Every kid (and parent) should remember why they call it “playing” sports.

4. Leave coaching to the coaches. Tina Syer of the Positive Coaching Alliance says, “You’re there to fill the kids’ emotional tanks and make sure they bounce back from mistakes, not to tweak their throwing motion or tell them where to be on the field.” Be smart about choosing coaches tuned in to her age and skill level. If there’s a lack of adequate coaches, sign up to volunteer!

5. Be a model fan. Think about what you would look like on the sidelines if someone were videotaping you instead of the game. Be sure you (and your daughter) would be proud of what you’d see.

6. Ask, “What do each hope to get from the experience?” Then tell her what you hope she gets. If you don’t talk (and listen), she may assume all you care about is a winning record or how good her stats are. Make sure she knows you want sports to be a fun place to make friends, test herself, be healthy, and feel good about herself.

7. Let her play with boys. In “Raising Our Athletic Daughters: How Sports Can Build Self-Esteem and Save Girls’ Lives,” authors Jean Zimmerman and Gil Reavill suggest utilizing coed or single-sex programs according to your daughter’s comfort level and what will contribute most to her learning and growth.

8. Help her use “mistakes” productively. When she messes up, she’ll look to you first. So illustrate how to put mistakes in perspective by 1) showing her how to let go of them and 2) encouraging (but not demanding) her to use them as motivation to improve her skills.

9. Make sure girls and boys have equal sports opportunities and resources. Support Title IX and encourage school and other sports programs to be aware of and promptly address inequities.

10. Keep a relaxed and fun approach. Team sports teach girls how to be self-reliant while also working collaboratively to be competitive. If she loses interest in sports, you and she can still be physically active together–and there are plenty of other ways to relate and have fun together.

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Social Aggression

Posted on September 5, 2006 by Clint| 2 Comments

For me, September has always been about transition and that seems to be holding true this year as The Girl begins preschool.

Friday was day one and I had the opportunity to sit with her for a few hours on her first day. It was tough for her, as to be expected, but not as tough as it could have been. Being that I still work p/t outside of the home and am only a p/t SAHD, The Girl has been going to daycare a couple of days a week -a daycare that is affiliated with her new preschool. The two facilities are a few blocks from each other and the daycare kids often go on field trips to “the big centre” to prepare them for the transition. Additionally, a few of her chums from the daycare have “graduated” to the big center, so the place is not without familiar faces. But still, it has been a transition nonetheless, and transition is not an easy thing when you are just shy of 3.

For me, the biggest shock on the first day was seeing just how big the kids are. The difference between The Girl and some of the 4 and 5 year olds was disconcerting, especially when I witnessed first hand some of the bigger girls already practicing the politics of exclusion and other socially aggressive tactics.

The Girl and I went downstairs where the kids have some space to run around and engage in physical play. A group of older girls were dressing up and pretending they were Princesses – fun and fairly innocuous until another girl tried to join in. The small group of girls told the newcomer that she couldn’t play with them – only Princesses were allowed to play with them. Fortunately, a staff member was right there and moved in to intervene, telling the girls that all the kids at the center are friends and that all the kids can play with whomever they want. The big girls immediately backed down and everyone did start playing happily together, but it makes me nervous to think my little girl is about to enter into a massively different world.

Later that night, perfectly on cue, I open my inbox to find the latest issue of Pediatrics for Parents, a newsletter I have just begun subscribing to. One of the articles was entitled Mean girls: social aggressiveness is mainly determined by children’s environment. I was a great and sobering read and brought back a lot of childhood issues for me.

As a boy, I was a fat kid and did face my share of exclusion, teasing and bullying. It was devastating and, even though it was 30+ years ago, I still occasionally find myself feeling like the fat little kid on the playground. I have a sneaking suspicion that what I experienced is only a fraction of the social aggressiveness my daughter may experience in her life simply by virtue of the fact that she is a girl and that frightens me.

I do take solace in the fact that the teachers at the preschool are very aware of social aggression and are on top of nipping it in the bud when it occurs. And I feel confident that we are raising a strong girl who won’t rely on external validation to fuel her self-esteem. But I still worry a bit more when I send her on her way in the morning than I did when she was heading off to daycare with the other 2 year olds, full of hugs and love for everyone.

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Dogs and Kids

Posted on July 12, 2006 by Clint| 4 Comments

I love pets, but I can’t understand the casual attitude some dog owners take with their pets around my kid. It seems almost inconceivable to some dog owners that their animal has the capacity to bite and seriously hurt a child.

I have no doubt dog owners believe their own bold assurances that they would never harm anyone, let alone a child. After all, they are a beloved member of their families and probably take darn fine care of their own kids. But that is not what I see.

What I see is an 80 pound animal that, at any moment for any number of reasons could seriously harm my 30 pound kid. Especially if a protective dog sees my kid as a threat as they try to give some dog owners kid an innocent hug on the playground.

Yesterday The Girl and I were at a park where a family had a chocolate lab running amok. The Girl is usually one to run around in the park, climb on the monkey bars and partake in all the kid related activities. Not yesterday. Yesterday, all she wanted to do was swing, with one eye firmly planted on the trail of the big chocolate lab. She didn’t want to get out of the swing because the dog was running around.

I want my kid to grow up and love animals, not fear them. Dog owners who insist on letting their dogs run around parks without leashes are not helping me. So, if you are a dog owner who comes to a public park and you let your dog run around without a leash, don’t be surprised if I come up to you and ask you to leash them.

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Confidence

Posted on April 28, 2006 by Clint| 1 Comment

An article over at Minti called Parenting as Leadership Training got me thinking about how becoming a Dad has changed me.

The article points out that new Dads who work for Telia (a large Swedish telecom) are given the option of taking between 3 and 6 months off work with pay to stay at home with their kids because Telia believes that being a “stay at home dad” develops emotional intelligence and leadership ability.

Wouldn’t it be great if more companies took this approach and saw Dads staying at home with their kids as not only good for the family (and society in general), but also good for the corporate bottom line? Not only that, but staying home with the kids promotes family unity and harmony and I am a firm believer that the happier a person is in their home life, the more productive and effective they will be in their work life.

The article makes the point that men who stay at home with their kids:

…can also learn to develop more robust self-esteem by:

  • being able to put others first without feeling disappointed
  • learning to feel good about themselves even though they aren’t at work
  • reassessing their values–what is truly important to them?
  • learning the value of feelings and relationships, not just things.

I can relate. One of the big changes I have noticed about myself since becoming a Dad is how much my confidence has grown.

I imagine that I was like most first time Dad’s. When my wife first told me we were pregnant I was very naive about what that meant, not really knowing what to make of this news. I mean, I was ecstatic since this was what we were trying to do, but the whole thing seemed unreal. And then wham, reality hits you: Dude, you are a Dad. For me it happened about 3 months before our due date when I began dismantling my office and making way for the baby’s room.

At this point, I became a mess – indecisive, nervous, uncertain and doubtful that I could pull it off the Dad thing. For the next few months I doubted everything I knew – doubted my abilities, hedged my bets, and constantly reevaluated and second guessed decisions. Breast fed or formula? Cloth or disposable? What’s that rash? Should we go to the Doctor? What does the website say? Really, what about the book? Exactly the opposite….great. Am I stimulating my kid? Is she bored of me? Can I give my child the intellectual and emotional stimulation she needs or is she going to become a pumpkin? It was a living hell spending so much time and energy continually doubting yourself and your abilities.

Now, with a couple of years under my belt, I feel much more confident in my abilities as a father and I am finding that this is spilling over into my “non-Daddy” life. I feel like I can tackle things that I never thought I would be able to do and succeed at them.

I guess that is how you build confidence and self-esteem: by successfully doing something you doubted you could do, and then transferring that feeling of success into other areas of your life. And I guess that is what forward thinking companies like Telia are betting on; that once their Dad’s come back to work with confidence in their ability to tackle one of the biggest challenges life throws at them, they will have the confidence to tackle any corporate challenge.

Works for me.

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Raffi Rocks!

Posted on April 20, 2006 by Clint| Comments Off

Congratulations to children’s performer Raffi, the 2006 recipient of The Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood’s “Fred Rogers Integrity Award”.

Named for the host of Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, the award honors a public figure whose efforts to protect children from harmful marketing best embody Mr. Rogers’ long-standing commitment to nurturing the health and well-being of America’s children.

Raffi steadfastly refuses all commercial endorsement offers, and his company never directly markets to children. He is a passionate advocate for a child’s right to live free of commercial exploitation. In 2000, he wrote an excellent article for the Globe and Mail newspaper in which he justified his decision to pull out of a major children’s festival because he felt it had become too commercialized. In the letter he said:

Advertising aimed at children is so prevalent in our lives that many people think it’s okay. But child-development experts for years have said that ads on kids’ TV shows, for example, constitute an unfair assault on impressionable minds that aren’t old enough to appraise the sales pitch. And yet, every day, with the help of psychologists, big businesses wage media campaigns that target children from birth as consumers. We need to understand that this serves no one. It’s wrong, and it must stop.

Well said.

If you are not familiar with Raffi, he is a wonderful kids performer. His CD Baby Beluga is definitely in The Girl’s All Time Top 10 list and in high rotation on our CD player.

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Monsters Under Bed

Posted on April 17, 2006 by Clint| 1 Comment

Easter passes and, like at Christmas, I can’t help but wonder how much I am messing with my kids psyche with tales of mysterious beings that can magically appear and disappear inside our house without anyone knowing.

Is it any wonder some kids become afraid of the monsters hiding under the beds or in the closets when we keep telling them that Santa and the Easter Bunny can creep about their house in the middle of the night while they are asleep? I mean, if Santa and the Easter Bunny can come in undetected and leave things, then what’s to stop some nasty thing from coming into the house and taking things?

And don’t even get me started with the Tooth Fairy. It’s bad enough Santa and the Easter Bunny can come into your house without anyone knowing, but to have someone come right into your bedroom, stick their hands under your pillow and get your tooth without you waking up and realizing they were there? Armed with that kind of knowledge is it any wonder that kids don’t want to go to sleep at night?

Why, oh why do we parents subject our kids to this insane torture? It can’t be because our kids laugh with abandon, get giddy with excitement and bubble over with anticipation at the merest hint of the imminent arrival of these beings? It surely couldn’t be the joyful flutter we parents get in our stomach as we faintly hear 6 am footsteps creeping down the stairs, knowing full well that the next few minutes will be filled with nothing but awe struck wonder that there is such a thing as magic in this world. Oh no, it surely couldn’t be that.

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Being More Than a Present Dad

Posted on March 23, 2006 by Clint| 1 Comment

Yet another study shows that it isn’t enough for us Dads to be present in our kids lives, we must take an active part.

This recent study from the University of Texas focuses on the corelation between a girl’s first sexual encounter and her relationship with her Father. The study basically says that the more present a Father is in his daughters life, the longer she will wait to engage in sexual behaviors.

“This shows us that it is not enough for dads to be merely present,” says (Dr. Mark) Regnerus, an assistant professor of sociology at The University of Texas at Austin. “They need to be active in their daughters’ lives. There are hints here that girls who have poor relationships with their dads tend to seek attention from other males at earlier ages and often this will involve a sexual relationship.”

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Tooth Brushing Hint

Posted on March 13, 2006 by Clint| 1 Comment

Amazing how much easier things go with a toddler when you turn everyday chores into a game. Recently the chore that has been “game-ified” at our house is brushing teeth, only it’s name has been changed from brushing teeth to hunting sugar bugs.

I’m not sure where this came from (I think my wife’s dentist first put the thought of sugar bugs in our heads), or even if it is original, but I do know that the game has been a favorite with the girl. We sit down and pretend to catch sugar bugs in her mouth. Whenever we catch one in the toothbrush, we make a big deal of pinching it off the brush, throwing the imaginary critter to the floor and stepping on it – the bigger the stomp the better. The girl squeals whenever we pull one of these little critters out of her mouth, and gleefully stomps on it to stop the sugar bug.

Not only does the girl look forward to brushing her teeth, she’s becoming a real ham, using her imagination and catching invisible sugar bugs. Great fun.

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Vomitus Maximus

Posted on April 5, 2005 by Clint| Comments Off

In the 1989 movie Parenthood, Steve Martin plays a Dad to a girl who, one day while quite ill, throws up all over him. When his wife comes into the room, she finds Steve staring dumbfounded at the little girl, clothes streaked with vomit. She says, “Aren’t you going to do something?” To which he responds “I’m waiting for her head to spin around.” Today, that man was me.

The Girl puked on me for the first time. Not a little baby spit up after an over the shoulder burp – but a full-on, gut emptying, projectile spewing geyser. At one point, I swear I saw her kidney come up.

I knew the moment would eventually come and I had been dreading it. Smell is a powerful sense for me, and I don’t do well with foul scent. My wife discovered this about me when we walked into our house once after spending a month traveling in Turkey only to find our freezer had crapped out sometime between Gallipoli and Istanbul. She quickly realized I wouldn’t be much help digging the previously frozen blackberries and chicken out from the bottom of the dearly departed freezer.

Mom was at work today, so it was just The Girl and me – poor girl. She has been sick in the past, but never quite this sick. So I carried her off to the bathroom and stripped us both down. I toyed with giving her a bath, but she was looking quite stunned, and I couldn’t quite bare the thought of inflicting a bath on her when it looked like the only thing she wanted to do was crash. So I wiped her off as best I could, dressed her and gave her some water. Ten minutes later she was fast asleep on my chest. A chest, I must admit, that was a bit bigger knowing that I had handled my first major vomit situation with my breakfast intact.

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