Category Archives: Life as Dad

I’m expecting a knock on the door from Child Protection any day now…

Last night while Mom and I were making dinner, The Girl fell asleep on the couch, rolled over, fell off the couch and whacked her head on the corner of the coffee table. She now has a big blue goose egg in the middle of her forehead, to go along with the nasty scar above her right eye caused by her little incident last weekend.

I read somehwere that every 6 months kids go through an emotional and physical development burst where they suddenly become uncoordinated and their emotions get out of control. It’s as if they regress a bit and their body needs to get back on track for the next burst of growth and development. I can certainly concur with that, considering the past 2 weeks we have had with The Girl. Not only has she been clumsy, but emotionally she has been a mess. We’ve had uncontrollable bursts of emotion almost everyday for the past 2 weeks and her behaviour swings so extremely that I am beginning to wonder if the word “toddler” isn’t Latin for bipolar.

Head wounds bleed…a lot

In case your kid should lose their balance on your bed, fall down and crack their head on the headboard of your bed you should know that head wounds bleed a lot.

We witnessed this point again Saturday morning. I was in the bathroom. The Girl, Boy and Mom, were all on our bed chatting and generally waking up. Suddenly I heard this awful crunch, followed by screams for The Girl, and a panic call for me from Mom. I ran out of the bathroom only to be met by a trembling Mom and even more trembling Girl in her arms, crying hysterically, blood gushing down the side of her head.

There is nothing that makes the bottom of your stomach drop to your feet like the site of your kid in pain and bleeding.

Mom hands The Girl to me. Into the bathroom we go and begin administering first aid. The gash just above her right eyebrow is nasty. The Girl is trembling, sobbing and crying as we begin to clean out the wound. I’m talking calm, quiet and doing my best to calm her down while getting a handle on the situation. I’m trying to be as matter of fact about the whole thing, knowing that my reaction fuels her reaction.

Here we are, in full blown crisis when suddenly, through her sobbing and crying she says, ‘I love you, Daddy.” It was the last thing I expected to hear from her at that moment and it struck me so hard that I had to take a second to pull it together before getting back to the task at hand.

I give her a cold cloth to hold over the cut while I start cleaning her up. She asks if she needs a bandaid and I said yes. She loses it again and start winding up. The Girl has had a thing about bandaids for awhile now. She had one that was an old school fabric one that got stuck on her skin a year or so ago. It hurt to get pulled off, and she’s been anti-bandaid ever since.

Mom thinks we need stitches. We have a brief conversation about how head wounds typically look worse than they are, and that the bleeding seems to be getting under control. But the cut is wide and nasty. So, because we can’t use a bandaid, I get some gauze (which is okay with The Girl) and a tensor bandage and wrap her head like a mummy. She thinks this is funny and laughs thru her sobbing.

However, the tensor keeps slipping. We need to get a bandage on her. She gets extremely upset when we mention bandage until my wife hits upon the idea to have her uncle and aunt put one on. They are nurses and seem to have some cred with The Girl and she agrees. So we call up my brother-in-law and his wife and ask if we can bring The Girl over and see if they can help out. They say of course (family is a wonderful thing) and The Girl and I hop into the car and drive across town to their house.

We get there and my brother-in-law meets us at the door with his stethoscope, hospital emergency room ID and other assorted medical paraphernalia and starts his work on The Girl. A few minutes later, the wound is closed, bandage is applied and everyones blood pressure begins to come back down to normal levels.

This is the third head wound for The Girl in the past year and a half, all just above the eye and all have been nasty bleeders. So, if you take anything from my adventure it’s this. Head wounds bleed…a lot. And, while this one was bad enough that we should have probably gone to the hospital for stitches, it looked a heck of a lot worse than it actually was.

White Noise: A Parents Best Friend at Bedtime

New parents repeat after me: white noise is our friend. White noise is good. Continue reading

Dads – Slightly Less Fearful Than Cooties

Congratulations Dads! We are among the things that have fallen off the list of “Things Kids Fear”, according to a new study from Australia’s Queensland University of Technology.

The researcher’s best guess is that we Dads are becoming more “reasonable” with our discipline techniques and not relying so much on more punitive measures, like corporal punishment for discipline.

I really don’t know how Dads from back then did it. The strict disciplinarian role seems so foreign to me. I mean, it would rip me up inside if I thought that The Girl was afraid of me, and it is inconceivable to me that I would ever hit my daughter.

So, score a point for today’s Dad, slightly less fearful than Dragon Pox and Dipsy-doodle-itis.

MMMMMinti Good

A peer-to-peer advice site for parents called Minti is up and running. Articles and advice are contributed by parents, giving the whole site a very nice community feeling, free of the spin (corporate, religious, ideological, political, what have you) of most parent advice sites. And users can rank the advice.

Minti – Powered by Parents – parent to parent advice-opedia

Some Days

Why do some days seem so much harder than others? There are some days when I just want to pack it all in. Forget all about staying at home with the girl and jump right back into full time work. Just give up. Today was one of those days, and for no particular reason, other than I am living with an energy vampire – a toddler.

Mind you, our lives have been in a bit of turmoil for the past 2 weeks. The move went well and the girl took to the new house like she has lived here all her life. Her Mother and I, on the other hand, have been stress central and the girl has to pick up on that. Can there be any event in life with such diametric emotions attached to it than moving into a new home? One minute pure ecstasy as you marvel over your good fortune to find the home of your dreams. The next despair as you suffer from the worst case of buyer’s remorse you can imagine. I’m not sure what the real estate market in your area is like, but where we live it is ruthless, cutthroat and overpriced, leading to rushed decisions on the most important purchase of your life. You are filled with self doubt and anxiety, wondering if you have been as thorough as possible, placing the fate of your family in the hands of realtors, building inspectors, bankers and other people looking to make massive amounts of cash off you. But I digress…

Like I said, some days just seem harder than others. The extra struggle trying to get her dressed as she flops around like an electrified octopus, screaming and crying at the top of her lungs. The extra effort of trying to strap a 2×4 into a car seat so you won’t be late for her play group. Trying to play United Nations peacemaker with the other kids, negotiating the landmine of 2 pushcars for 30 kids. The extra concentration required while you try to carry on a phone conversation with a roofer with a human fog horn strapped to your leg bellowing DADDYDADDYDADDYDADDY! And the constant demands for upeee, uppeeee, upppeeeee.

Some days it is all I can do from screaming TAKE ME AWAY FROM HERE! Get me back to the sanity of backstabbing co-workers and bastard bosses. Of impossible deadlines and even more impossible budgets. Take me back to sanity of the real world.

And then the moment happens. Just when she is drifting off to sleep in her mothers arms you hear a tiny voice say, “I love you, Da.” And you realize that tomorrow is indeed another day and that this, too, shall pass.

This Old House

The girl is napping. Mom is at work. All is quiet. And it is in these quiet moments that it hits me – we are leaving this house.

We’ve only been here 5 years, but the memories these walls hold seem to encompass a lifetime. This was our first house. The house that, when purchased off a 94 year old woman, had so much potential. New paint here, redo the cupboards there. My first lawn to mow. Our first garden to tend. The first nursery to paint.

This is the only home the girl has known, and at almost 2 she doesn’t quite understand what is going on. She is tender. Over and over she asks “Mommy coming, Daddy coming, Baby coming?” to which we respond, “Yes, yes and yes. Everybody is coming to the new house.” She is still for a moment. Then it starts again, this time with an emphatic nodding of her head, “Mommy coming, Daddy coming, Baby coming?”

Our first house. Her only house.

The reasons are valid: not enough space, a backyard that remains flooded from November to March, no dining room, too much tripping over each other. Yet it is still sad to leave the memories, like walking into this house with the girl the very first time. That moment when her Mom and I exchanged a sideways glance that we both knew meant, “This is it. We’re on our own. Now what?” I never knew one glance could reveal so much information.

This is the bedroom where we first stayed up all night with a sick girl, throwing up over and over and forcing us to cancel a (rare) planned weekend trip away from home that we had both been looking forward to. Another sideways glance. Ah well, I guess this is what being a parent is all about.

The backyard where last summer the girl found the garden hose, squeezed the trigger and turned it on full force blasting her unsuspecting Dad in the back with a frigid squirt of icy cold water that, in the hot July sun, felt like heaven.

Goodbye old house. You have been very good to us.

Hello new home. A new home, waiting to be filled new memories. Perhaps bringing home a new baby and crossing a new threshold – this time secure in the knowledge that we can do it.

Playgroups: Aerobics for Kids

I have a theory that the same people who design playgroups also design aerobic classes because if you are new to either, you can’t follow the routines.

Somehow both aerobics instructors and playgroup leaders seem to believe that just because we show up, we know the drill. Well, I don’t, and neither does the girl. She usually game to follow along with the new songs and routines, but after 2 or three failed zigs when she should have zagged and knocking the poor kid next to us into next week (which always elicits a nasty sideways glance at me from the poor kids Mom) she gets frustrated. Problem being, when the girl gets confused and looks to me for help, all she gets from her Dad is a dofus with all the grace of a moose stuck in a bog.

Here’s a note to leaders of playgroups: for the sake of parents everywhere, do your routines twice. The first time, show us what you are going to do, then we can all follow along and retain some dignity in the eyes of our kids when they look to us for the answers.

Strengthen Family Bonds

A couple of random notes today about research on how to strengthen family bonds.

Dr. Elsie Taveras, in May’s issue of Obesity Research, says that families who eat dinner together eat more vegetables and fruits and less fried foods, soda and items containing trans fats than those who rarely or never dine together. Research has also found improved school and psychological performance in teens who eat dinner with their families, as well as fewer risky teen behaviors (such as using tobacco, alcohol, and marijuana).

Gregory Keer has some good reasons as to why modeling a good marriage for your kids is important. He also offers some helpful tips on what he thinks makes a good relationship for parents, including advice on constructive disagreement. I think this is a key element to modeling a good relationship. Every relationship has disagreements. It’s how you handle those disagrements that is key.

Finally, the icWales website has an article called Good Dad Guide, a collection of advice submitted by Dads from around Wales.

Even Dad Gets The Blues

More research on post delivery depression in Dad’s (yes, Dad’s also suffer from depression after a new baby arrives). Seems that a sad Dad can have a negative impact on the behaviour and mental health of a child, especially if that child is a boy.

Researchers at Oxford University are calling the effects “striking”, and say “the influence of fathers in early childhood may have been downplayed in the past.”

According to the research, about 3% of Dads suffer symptoms of depression shortly after the birth of a child, compared to 5% of new Moms.

Canada Day & Staying Up Late

Friday was Canada Day…a day of crowds, music, celebrations and fireworks. D and I had talked about it for a few weeks and decided that, since it was a special occasion, we would keep The Girl up well past her usual 7:30 bedtime and take her downtown for the fireworks display at 10:30. This marks the first time we have significantly broken her bedtime routine since she started sleeping in her own room a year ago.

I have to say, the bedtime routine has worked wonders for us. We are adamant that we stick to it…snack at around 6:45, bath at 7:00 with the same piece of soft music playing in the background, stories at 7:30, bit of a nurse at around 7:45 and wham, she’s out. It’s clockwork, and D and I have the evenings to ourselves. We have friends who keep their daughter up until they go to bed at 10 or 11, and we don’t know how they do it. Both of us love the evening time to catch up on our work, housework, and each other.

Because of this regimented bedtime routine, we were both curious, and a bit wary, as to how The Girl would handle staying up late in a strange environment (downtown outside with crowds around) with fireworks going off. We wondered whether or not we were doing the right thing.

I’m glad to say all went well. The Girl loved it. We hooked up with some other couples who had kids around her age, so she had a couple playmates. We found a great spot where they could safely run around. And, when the fireworks came, she was gleeful. After they ended, she asked for more. She even managed to stay awake in the car ride home (avoiding the dreaded car transfer that I have yet to consistently master), and we were able to tuck her into bed at midnight, where she had a great night sleep.

The nice benefit of the routine is that The Girl has bounced right back into it. For the past 2 nights, she has settled back into her regular sleep patterns without a hitch.

Ah, bedtime routines – magic.

You Know Your Kid is in Daycare When….

…you can count on one hand the number of days they haven’t had a runny nose/cough/sneeze/wheeze in the past month.

Even though Maggie is only in daycare a couple days a week, it seems like she has been nothing but sick since she began. My RN brother-in-law says that’s a good thing as she is building up her immune system.

It may be a good thing, but it is still doesn’t make dealing with a sick kid anymore fun. And it looks like we can expect a few more, as the average kid has around 8 -10 colds before their 2nd birthday.

Fortuantly, there are only around 200 strains of the common cold and so far this year Maggie has managed to catch 196 of them. Four more to go and we are home free!

No Ozzy Needed

Is it normal for a 15 month old to bang their head against the wall when they seem happy? I know occasionally some parents may feel like doing it, but I had been a bit worried by Maggie’s tendancy to tap her forhead against the wall. She also likes to slap her head with her hands. Apparently, it’s okay. I was reading The Mother of All Toddler books by Ann Douglas last night and came across a note about head banging that said one in five toddlers will do it, either to relieve the pain of teething, relieve stress or when they are mad.

Adventures of a (partial) at home Dad

If you are reading this, chances are you may be an at-home Dad, like me. Welcome to the club. Let me tell you a bit about us. I am a Dad to one kid, Maggie. She is 15 months old and a hoot. I’m home with her 4 days a week – 2 with Mom and 2 with just Maggie and me. The other 3 days a week she goes to daycare and I go to my day job. So, I am not a fulltime stay at home Dad….just part time. We’ve been doing this for about 2 months now and so far we haven’t had a single trip to the hospital :).

Being at home with Maggie is a blast. One, however, that isn’t without challanges. Nothing major, but a couple things hang over my head. For one, I think she gets bored during the day, and I find I have a tough time keeping her stimulated and interested. As the weather gets nicer I am looking forward to spending more time outside with her. That is my biggest worry right now – how to keep her occupied and engaged. She is curious, as I suspect most toddlers are at this age, and wants to touch, smell, taste and experience everything. So, my biggest challange is finding things to keep her interested.

On the career front, I have just recently begun to feel a bit out of touch with what is going on in my workplace. I think this is a challenge for any career parent that goes from working full time, focused on their career – to working part time and changing their focus to raising a good person. I have to work hard at staying in touch with what is happening back at the office, and I find that a challenge.

Other than those 2 issues, my life is great – I’ve got a fantastic daughter, a great partner in my wife and am happy to be a Dad. Hope you are, too, and you’ll share some of your experiences and comments with your own adventures as a stay at home Dad! Cheers.