Category Archives: My Kids and Family

The fear of a five year old

Last night I was getting The Girl ready for her bath when, out of the blue,  she suddenly got quite upset and started crying. At first I thought it was a bath stall tactic, but as it went on I realized that her state was sincere and she really was upset about something important.

My mind quickly floods with horrible possibilities. Did something happen at daycare today? Was there an altercation with another kid? Did she get hurt?

“Maggie, what’s wrong?”

Between sobs she spurts out, “I’m scared.”

“What are you scared of?”

“Lasers.”

Oh.

9 tips to enjoy The Nutcracker with your kid

A Nutcracker for Christmas
Image by clickykbd via Flickr

On Sunday The Girl and I took in the Alberta Ballet‘s (fantastic) production of The Nutcracker. It has been many years since I have been to a production and I was looking forward to it as much as The Girl.

She had a wonderful time, and has since been carrying her nutcracker around the house, pretending she is Clara, with me playing the part of Herr Drosselmeyer.

It was an expensive gamble. Money in our house (like many homes) is tight and my wife and I talked about whether the $100 was money well spent. So, if you are thinking of shelling out the dough to take in this annual Christmas tradition in your neck of the woods, here are a few tips that might be handy to make sure you get the most bang for your buck.

As with any “parent tip”, results may vary – greatly – depending on your kid. Mine is going to be 5 in January, so these are written with that age in mind.

  1. Know the story before you go. Knowing the story, and what to expect, ahead of time prepares them for what will come. For some kids, the fight scene between the soldiers and the mice can be especially frightening and confusing. YouTube has clips from various productions of  The Nutcracker. There is also a full length production (about 90 minutes) available online, and PBS has a nice synopsis of the story.
  2. Pick a matinee. Chances are it will be loaded with kids and a bit more kid friendly.
  3. Take the opportunity to dress up. A few days before we went, my daughter turned to my wife and said, “Is Dad going to wear something distinguished?” Of course, I couldn’t disappoint a request like that, so out came the old suit and tie. She (being 4 and a girl) had no problem getting decked out in appropriate attire. It added an extra element of specialness to the event. But be sure whatever you wear is comfortable.
  4. Avoid the temptation to bring a friend. Friends can be distracting, and it is challenging enough to focus one preschooler, let alone 2. It also avoids the potential problem that could arise if one wants to leave and the other wants to stay.
  5. Explain theater etiquette beforehand, but don’t be ruled by it. Explain that theater is different than a movie. The people are real, and they people in the audience like to listen to the music and pay attention to the dancers. People clap when they like something on stage, and there is a break 1/2 way through the show. But it would be impossible to expect a preschooler to be completely still and focused for 45 minutes, so don’t get on their case if they start getting fidgety. Instead try to refocus them on what is happening on stage. Chances are, they may have lost the plot and are confused as to what is going on.
  6. Bring a small booster seat. Check with the theatre beforehand to make sure this is okay.
  7. It’s okay to talk (okay whisper) to your kid during the show. Hardcore theatre goers may disagree with this, but some whispering to explain the plot is okay with me. Keep it brief, and keep it focused on the show. My girl loved that I would occasionally lean over and whisper in her ear, drawing her attention to things she might like on stage or in the orchestra pit. I also tried to explain what was going on if she looked lost.
  8. Be prepared to bail. If, after the first act, your kid is bored and you sense the second half isn’t going to be fun for either of you, leave and console yourself that you had a nice first act together.
  9. Make it live on. Talk to them about the show after it is over. Ask them what they liked, didn’t like. What they thought of the dancing.  Save the tickets and the playbill and display them around the house for a few days.

Finally, if you still want to give your kids the joy of The Nutcracker but are worried about attending a live performance, Cineplex will be carrying the National Ballet’s live performances this holiday season, live in HD at a movie theatre near you.

Are we outsourcing our memories?

I have a distributed family – brother in Alberta, parents on the prairies, aunts, uncles and cousins scattered everywhere. One of the primary reasons for this blog was to keep those folks up to date on what was happening with my (then newly arrived) daughter. A blog seemed like the best way to do that.

Fast forward to 2008 and there are now a plethora of ways you can keep far flung family and friends informed of the little one’s first anything. Totspot, Kidmondo and Lil’ Grams are three web services that allow parents to easily store and organize your babies firsts. And there is a new site in beta called Odadeo, targeted directly to us Dad’s.

First off, I think these services are great, and go a long way to avoiding having to send out a hundred emails to everyone who you think might be interested in little Billy’s first toddle.

But beyond their usefulness, these services provide further evidence to me that we are undergoing a profound cultural change. Undoubtedly, we are beginning to raise the most documented generation of people in the history of civilization. Every moment of our kids lives are being not only captured, but digitally manipulated, stored and shared via our outboard brains. What is this going to mean to them in the future? And what is it going to mean for me, the person documenting this?

Marta Strickland has been thinking about this as well. In a recent post she mused about posting our kids life online before they are even aware they have a life.

With every YouTube video we post, with every Flickr photo gallery that we build, we are building a digital lifestream for our children when they are too young to even understand that we are sharing their lives

Is it convenient to have these services, or is it what the New York Times recently called baby overshare? Are we parents somehow co-opting our babies lives and playing out our own narcissism? Hey, look at me and what I have produced! World, take notice that I can reproduce! It seems to me that this baby thing is becoming quite, um, hip (which is a whole other post).

Personally, I appreciate the convenience and ability to share information about my kids with people close to me. If someone wants to find out what is happening in my kids life, they know where to look.

But I always have to balance that desire to share with respecting my kids rights. I post and share with their voice in the back of my head, imagining that they will someday troll back through the interwebs and find this stuff. How are they going to react? Or are they even going to care? My hope is that they will look back on the content I have created about their lives with joy and tenderness and realize it came from a place of love and was triggered by the joy of becoming a Dad.

But really, I do this for me. I post so I can remember. I post so I can process. I post to help me understand.

Recently I spent some time on this blog, digging around the archives, cleaning up things (hopefully in preparation of a visual upgrade of the site, so if the site changes soon don’t be shocked.). In the process of doing that, I found articles I had written years ago that I had forgot about. They are mostly the little ones, the ones that usually go unnoticed by most readers. The personal ones. Coming across them makes me reflective, makes me remember and makes me smile. And that is why I document.

A lunch with Mom

Kids are both in daycare today. Mom snuck home for lunch. I walked down the hill from work to join her. It’s the first time in I don’t know how long since the 2 of us have been alone in the house together with no kids.

No kids. Just her and I. Alone in the house. So naturally, we took advantage of the situation. She did the dishes and some telephone banking while I paid some bills, put away a bit of laundry and filed tax receipts. Before we knew it our time had passed and back to work we went.

You were expecting something else?

Sigh…how times have changed. But it was sure nice to carry on a running conversation with my wife in our kitchen without the constant tug at the pantleg or toodler mayhem raging in the background.

He’s 1, she’s 4 and Dad caught a real Man Cold

The Girl turns 4 today. A month ago, The Boy turned one. In between there was the month of December where Mom headed back to work after her 1 year mat leave and I (temporarily) stepped off the work track and climbed back in the SAHDle again.

It was only for a month, but I was looking forward to it with great anticipation. Too bad I didn’t follow my own rules, especially #1 – Lower Expectations.

The plan was supposed to be to not only spend time with the kids, but also begin acclimatizing The Boy to daycare in preparation for the new year when both my wife and I would be back at work. Along the way, The Girl was going to continue her 3 days a week routine at her preschool. It all looked good on paper, as they say. A few days a week with both the kids, a couple days with just The Boy and me and, depending on how the transition to daycare went, perhaps even a few days to myself in there.

Oh, how much I would get done! Imagine – having a full day to yourself? Oh the wonderful things that could be accomplished. Why, I could design a rocket ship, create a new high yielding crop that would triple the amount of food farmers could get off their land, and maybe even cure a horrible disease. And then after lunch I could paint the living room, watch the entire first season of the BBC’s version of The Office and catch up on all those 2006 World Cup soccer matches I recorded but never got around to watching.

Yes, I had plans. However, the plan I needed the most was a contingency plan. Three days into my month long “vacation” The Girl came down with the flu. She was out of action for a week. Meanwhile, The Boy and daycare was proving to be more difficult than I had imagined. I ended up spending hours with him at the center, trying to get him used to the new routine.

And then, (no doubt helped along by getting puked on by The Girl at 2 am one night) it was my turn. Now this wasn’t a normal flu…this was a full blown Man Cold.

The good news was that we were all fine by the time Christmas rolled around and had a great last week before we headed into our new routine with 2 working parents and kids in daycare.

So, while December didn’t turn out quite like I expected, I am grateful that we have managed to juggle everyones schedules enough so that the kids are in care only 3 days a week, thanks to some great bosses, creative scheduling and a very helpful daycare & preschool. Sure, Mom and I have wonky work weeks, but if it means that the kids get to spend more time with their parents then so be it. For them they have “Mommy days” where Mom is at home and Dad is at work, “Daddy days” where I am at home and she is at work and days at daycare. The downside to the working family schedule is that we only get one day a week (Sundays) where we are all together as a family. But for now, it’ll do.

They never tell you about the guilt…

The Boy is turning 1 in a few weeks and I’ve been in a reflective mood about the past year. There have been, of course, great joys – another set of firsts to track (his first steps happened just days ago – more on this in a moment). But one feeling that has been popping up in me lately is not quite so happy or positive. It’s guilt.

For all the research we did about having a second kid – all the websites we scoured, people we talked to and books we read – I don’t recall anyone talking about the guilt you might feel about upsetting the balance of the first kids life.

I’m really feeling for The Girl these days. She is also approaching a birthday – 4 for her – and while I know she loves her little brother, there are those moments when you can absolutely feel the sadness in her, mourning what she once had exclusively and is now gone. And it’s not pouting or whining (although those do appear as well), but there is just this feeling of genuine resignation that occasionally settles over her as she struggles to deal with this change.

Case in point. The Boy has started walking and, like most parents, we are heaping encouragement upon him as he struggles to master this skill. I caught some video of this the other night and it wasn’t until I was watching it later that I saw just how upset it made The Girl that her little brother was getting all this positive encouragement from his Dad for walking.

In the background you can see her, sitting on the floor, back to the camera completely ignoring what is happening around her – her little brothers first steps. Her shoulders are slumped over and she is absentmindedly playing with a doll. But you know her attention is focused on what is going on around her; she just isn’t showing it.

Her Mom is much better at including her at moments like this, but I couldn’t help but fell very conflicted over this one little moment. On one hand, I want to cheer for The Boy, want to heap encouragement on him and help him, just like I did for her when she was learning to walk. He deserves just as much. But on the other, I feel horrible that she is being eaten up by this and, almost worse, can’t take pride in her little brother’s accomplishments.

And therein lies the guilt. In a lot of ways, life before #2 had settled into comfortable normalcy for her, and for us. We had our routines and she was very much at the center of everything. Then, overnight, that “normal” life is ripped away and redefined. We did prepare her as best we could, but how can a 3 year old really comprehend what a difference a sibling is going to make in their life when even her parents can’t comprehend what a difference 2 will make?

I know that ever family goes through this kind of stuff, and that it will, with love and patience, all work itself out. But I really wish someone would have told me about this before so I could have been better prepared to internally handle such a negative emotion as guilt.

Um, what did you say?

Our bedtime routine had an unexpected hiccup last night when, for the first time, a consequence was met with a shrug from The Girl.

One of the techniques we use in our family is natural consequences, which has been working quite well with The Girl for the past 2 years. Part of the nighttime routine is that after a bath, we dry off, brush teeth and then go upstairs to read 3 books. The consequence for stalling in the bathroom is less time to read books. If The Girl is jerking around in the bathroom during her bath-pj-brush routine, the number of books gets reduced from 3 to 2 and then 2 to 1. Usually, this works pretty well and all it takes is a threat that we’ll be down to 2 books if she doesn’t hurry up to get her going again. Not last night.

We just came back from a long weekend trip, so everyone was tired and a bit punchy. She was jerking around in the tub, so after numerous warnings I finally pulled out the book consequence.

“I am going to count to 3 and if you are not out of the tub you are going to be down to 2 books.”

“That’s okay with me, Dad.”

Wha????

“Okay, then, maybe if I count to 3 we’ll be down to 1 book.”

Obviously giving up one book was okay, but giving up 2 books was too much as she hopped out of the tub.

So, it looks like she is beginning to weigh out the consequences with the behaviour. If the consequence stakes are not sufficiently high enough, she is now choosing to accept the consequences and continue on with her behaviour.

Suddenly consequences have become much more complicated.

Another milestone reached

We passed another one of those “first” milestones this past weekend.

My father-in-law was celebrating his birthday and we were preparing for his party. We asked The Girl to decorate a card from her Grandpa. So she sat down at her craft desk, pulled out some stamps and crayons and emerged a few minutes later with a colorfully stamped card, complete with her signature. This marks the first time she has written her name on her own.

Yes, it really does go so fast. Seems like it was just yesterday when she was eating the crayons.

First time The Girl wrote her name

It’s never a good thing when you see your neighbour’s house on the news

Yesterday my wife called me at work to say that there was a television crew at our neighbour’s house. Last night we watched the news and the lead story involves our neighbours. And it’s a troubling story.

According to the news, a police officer who lives in our neighbourhood took it upon himself to photocopy photos of a man and distribute them to our neighbours, warning them that he lives nearby. The man has been accused of sexually assaulting a minor. The man is our next door neighbour.

I’m trying to keep this thing in perspective. I see myself as being a fair person and want to be fair in my assessment of this situation. I don’t know the man personally other than to see him come and go from the house. He hasn’t even been charged with a crime, just accused and I like to think that we live in a society where you are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law and not in the court of public opinion or sensational media coverage. And when you dig into the details of the sexually assaulting a minor charge, you find out that our 20 year old neighbour is accused of sexually assaulting a 17 year old boy. Again, trying to keep this in perspective, who knows what other social dynamics have gone on between the two? It’s conceivable that they might be a couple and this whole thing could be a relationship gone south. 20 to 17 is not a huge gap in terms of age and they could be part of the same peer group. The gap is even smaller if you consider that he just turned 20 and the 17 year old is a few months away from being 18. I’m not saying that is the case – the math could work the other way, but these are factors a court should be deciding IF this guy is even charged with assault and things I am trying to keep in mind as I weigh how I feel about this.

Personally, I think the police officer overstepped his bounds. And apparently so does our local police force who are conducting an investigation into how the photo got leaked and distributed. But still, it has been quite a disconcerting evening and morning at our house as I grapple with some big issue things – the safety of my family, the rights of a (still innocent) accused man and how I balance the two.

Head wounds bleed…a lot

In case your kid should lose their balance on your bed, fall down and crack their head on the headboard of your bed you should know that head wounds bleed a lot.

We witnessed this point again Saturday morning. I was in the bathroom. The Girl, Boy and Mom, were all on our bed chatting and generally waking up. Suddenly I heard this awful crunch, followed by screams for The Girl, and a panic call for me from Mom. I ran out of the bathroom only to be met by a trembling Mom and even more trembling Girl in her arms, crying hysterically, blood gushing down the side of her head.

There is nothing that makes the bottom of your stomach drop to your feet like the site of your kid in pain and bleeding.

Mom hands The Girl to me. Into the bathroom we go and begin administering first aid. The gash just above her right eyebrow is nasty. The Girl is trembling, sobbing and crying as we begin to clean out the wound. I’m talking calm, quiet and doing my best to calm her down while getting a handle on the situation. I’m trying to be as matter of fact about the whole thing, knowing that my reaction fuels her reaction.

Here we are, in full blown crisis when suddenly, through her sobbing and crying she says, ‘I love you, Daddy.” It was the last thing I expected to hear from her at that moment and it struck me so hard that I had to take a second to pull it together before getting back to the task at hand.

I give her a cold cloth to hold over the cut while I start cleaning her up. She asks if she needs a bandaid and I said yes. She loses it again and start winding up. The Girl has had a thing about bandaids for awhile now. She had one that was an old school fabric one that got stuck on her skin a year or so ago. It hurt to get pulled off, and she’s been anti-bandaid ever since.

Mom thinks we need stitches. We have a brief conversation about how head wounds typically look worse than they are, and that the bleeding seems to be getting under control. But the cut is wide and nasty. So, because we can’t use a bandaid, I get some gauze (which is okay with The Girl) and a tensor bandage and wrap her head like a mummy. She thinks this is funny and laughs thru her sobbing.

However, the tensor keeps slipping. We need to get a bandage on her. She gets extremely upset when we mention bandage until my wife hits upon the idea to have her uncle and aunt put one on. They are nurses and seem to have some cred with The Girl and she agrees. So we call up my brother-in-law and his wife and ask if we can bring The Girl over and see if they can help out. They say of course (family is a wonderful thing) and The Girl and I hop into the car and drive across town to their house.

We get there and my brother-in-law meets us at the door with his stethoscope, hospital emergency room ID and other assorted medical paraphernalia and starts his work on The Girl. A few minutes later, the wound is closed, bandage is applied and everyones blood pressure begins to come back down to normal levels.

This is the third head wound for The Girl in the past year and a half, all just above the eye and all have been nasty bleeders. So, if you take anything from my adventure it’s this. Head wounds bleed…a lot. And, while this one was bad enough that we should have probably gone to the hospital for stitches, it looked a heck of a lot worse than it actually was.

Falling asleep in front of the tv can be dangerous to your child

2 nights ago, I put The Girl to bed at 8 and, as is sometimes the case, I fell asleep beside her. I woke up in her room 3 hours later, tried to go down to my bedroom and fall back asleep.

No luck. I was wide awake.

After tossing and turning for an hour, I grabbed my pillow, hopped down to the living room couch, and flicked on the TV just in time to catch the start of that family friendly flick Scarface.

Sweet.

I made it to the chainsaw scene before I was sawing zzzzz’s on the couch.

Next thing I know, I hear a very groggy voice saying “Daddy?” I open my eyes to see the Girl standing in the living room, just as Tony Montana is cutting to the chase and introducing his “little friend” to the entire Columbian drug cartel. There is my girl, my innocent precious 3 year old who we have been shielding from the nastiness of the world, catching Tony Montana in full over the top ultra-violence glory, mowing down Colombians, screaming “Fug you mang. FUG YOU!” at the top of his lungs over and over again. Blood squirting, bullets flying. General mayhem.

I scramble for the remote sitting on the coffee table and manage to turn off the tv before The Girl really clues in to what is happening on screen. I get, up, walk her back up to her bedroom and tuck her in. A few minutes later she is fast asleep, and I am left back awake, wondering what kind of psychological damage might have just done to my 3 year old. It keeps me awake. I can’t get back to sleep. It’s 3 am.

Hmmmm, I wonder what’s on tv?

The Boy and his B.F.F.

At just over 4 months old, The Boy has mastered a killer smile. And he likes to share that smile with 2 of his best friends; Ceiling Fan and Shower Curtain.

Both friendships have different dynamics and we can’t figure out who he likes more.

Ceiling Fan is the type of friend where words don’t have to be exchanged in order to keep the relationship strong. Silence is okay. The Boy can sit in his bouncy chair for long periods of time, look with admiration at Ceiling Fan and just enjoy his company, tossing him the occasional smile as he does his slow, circular whoosh whoosh dance.

Shower Curtain, on the other hand, tends to bring out the chatterbox in The Boy. Theirs is a much more lively and dynamic relationship. After his daily bath, he loves to lie on the bathroom mat and share stories and laughter with his bud Shower Curtain while we go about his nightly routine.

The Boy comes by his friendship with intimate objects naturally. His big sister went through a similar phase at this age with her friends Bookshelf and Bedroom Light (a bright kid who could really turn it on). And I predict that someday soon The Boy will, like his big sister, move beyond his very first best friends. The world outside, with it’s bounty of sexy, new friends like Teeter Totter, Monkey Bars and Swing will test the strength of his friendship with Shower Curtain and Ceiling Fan. But for now, he is happy in his world with his number one peeps, Ceiling Fan and Shower Curtain.

Making Meatloaf Fun

We’re lucky. The Girl is usually a “good eater”. She’ll always try new things and usually will sit with us for meals. But, like most Toddlers, she does go through fussy phases.

Fortunately, The Girl has a very cuisine creative Mom who knows that when it comes to food for toddlers, fun = fed. And the fun comes in the presentation.

Last week we got to experience one of Mom’s new creations: Meatloaf Cupcakes.

Right away, the word “cupcakes” peaked The Girl’s interest. Mom cooked the meatloaf in cupcake containers, set them down on the table and gave us some potato “icing”. After The Girl iced up her cupcake, she got some peas, corn and green beans to decorate it. It was a smashing success. She gobbled up her cupcake, and then asked to decorate another.

Cook and serve the cupcakes in a few of these Silly Feet Silicone Baking Cups and you’ve got yourself a laughing toddler.

By the way, if you purchase something from Amazon via dadventure.ca, I get a little love back from them. So, if you do, thanks! I use the little bit of cash to pay for things like web hosting for the site…and the occasional beer.

Why is it when you say the word vasectomy to people they make that clicking sound?

You know the sound. It’s the same sound a kid might make when they click a picture on their imaginary camera. When you talk vasectomy, that’s one of the standard reactions I seem to get. Or (if it is another guy), they sometimes purse their lips, furrow their brow and feign a pained look on their face.

I know both reactions. I’ve been guilty of them myself in the past. But now that I’ve had one, I have seen the error of my ways.

From this point on, I vow never to wince in imaginary pain, cross my legs in a mock protection stance, refer to it as “the big snip”, or make that clicking sound that my wife is quite fond of making when another guy talks to me about their vasectomy.

A few hours have passed since the procedure and all feels well. All in all, it was simple, quick and pain free. Even the needle for the local wasn’t that bad. Really, the worst part of the whole experience so far has been trading in in my boxers for tighty whitey’s for a week. And when you consider what some of the alternatives are, this was a much less painful option. (thanks to At Home Dad for the link)

Things you miss when you are at work

Dad enters the home, tired after a long, hard week at work.

Enter The Girl, bouncing into Dad’s arms, obviously feeling better after being up all night with croup. “Dad! I watched a show today called The Backyardigans and they went into the backyard and had and adventure and they had to look out for booby catchers!”

Dad tosses confused look at Mom.

“Booby traps.”

Oh.