While I am not sure I would have refered to it as “Death Valley”, John Boynton’s post Is My Marriage Solid? over at Dad-o-matic has been resonating with me since reading it last week.
In a nutshell, Boynton says that as we move through life a significant energy shift takes place for us Daddy types. As we age, our energy decreases – and as someone who has fallen asleep on more than one occasion reading bedtime stories to the kids I can personally attest to this – while at the same time the demands for that energy increase, usually in the form of young kids and increased job demands as we enter our prime wage earning years. When you have an increased demand for a decreasing product, something has got to give and what usually gives is our primary relationship with our spouse. It’s not that we fall out of love, but rather the relationship undergoes a major transformation in the middle years of our lives.
There are times when I get frustrated at not having enough time with my wife to be able to do all those things that first brought us together. But I hold out hope that someday that life will ease it’s way back. It will probably never be the same as it once was, but I suspect I will be okay with that because something richer will be there to take the place of that early love. Our relationship will be deeper knowing that together we survived this incredibly chaotic, roller coaster ride called parenthood.
In the words of Lou Reed, it’s the beginning of a great adventure; an adventure I am not on alone. And once I arrive at the next way-point, I know my partner will be right there with me ready to step off into the next great adventure.
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